she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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