She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
