Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
