I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
