My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
