I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize