I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
