I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
