We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
