You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize