Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
