youre lurking in front of me
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
