If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
