My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
