Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
