My room smells like vodka and shame
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
