My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
