absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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