Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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