can u get pink eye on your cock?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
