he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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