can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
