In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
