Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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