can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
