i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
