I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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