dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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