On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
