girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
