do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
