why didn't you poke me back
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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