I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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