one might say we're banned from that church
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
