apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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