i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
