just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
