office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Randomize
