Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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