Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
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