If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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