....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
