i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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