I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
