I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
