I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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