I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
