sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
