He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
