they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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