i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
