I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
