fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
