They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
