Can Purell be used as lube?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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