last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
