Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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