i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
