I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
