is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
my poor anus
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
