Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
