I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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