I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
