Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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