I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
