in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
