Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Terrible idea I love it
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
