The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
