i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
