Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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