He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
