For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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