thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
