I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
