Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize