Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
