You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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