My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
