So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
