He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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