I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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