and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
