it's not cheating when I paid for it
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
