Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
