i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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