Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
