Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
