i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
